What Failure Can Teach Us About Writing

Failure is something that can happen to any of us at any time. Failure is something that we all try to actively avoid, failing, being a failure, is something that we don’t ever really want to admit. Failure sucks, but it’s a part of life.

Lately, I’ve felt like a failure in several aspects. I’ve been pursuing my bachelors in nursing for several years now, and ultimately through several factors some I could and some I couldn’t control, I’ve dropped out. I’ve been writing a novel since November and have had the same goal for that novel since January of this year. I have a decent job, but I feel like I’m failing at having a personal life or working on any hobbies outside of work and sleep.

By several accounts, I could be considered a failure, school isn’t going well, writing isn’t going well, personal life isn’t going well, but there can be several different views of failure.

School– Yes, I have essentially dropped out with a “six month suspension”. At the same time, I have been telling the school for months that there is no way I can complete the projects that have been assigned in the small amount of time that was given, along with working a full-time job. I have wanted a break for months. Now I have it. Now I can try and relax more.

The Novel- This novel is something I have been working on since November and had the same goal since January. It’s been months, but I haven’t stopped writing, I’ve just been going at a slower pace. I’ve had the same goal, and haven’t reached it yet, but I haven’t stopped. I’m still writing, no matter how slow the process goes.

The Job- It will be six months that I’ve had this new job as of April 1st. In that six months, it seems as though my plans and hours and duties have changed almost hourly. I was trained under one company on all different shifts, scheduled on all different shifts, both days and nights and anywhere in between. Now we’re with a new company and new management and new hours and even MORE training. Yes, my social life and my hobbies are suffering, but at least I have a job. I just haven’t had a chance to settle and create a solid schedule yet.

Failure is everywhere, and anything can become a failure, if you let it.

Sure, I can look at school as a failure, but it’s been stressing me out since I first started and working through and gaining more experience I’m wondering if even being a nurse is what I want to do.

Sure, I can look at writing the same novel for months and months as a failure, but I’m still writing and doing my best to get through the novel. Everyone goes through slumps, and this might just be mine currently.

Sure, I can look at my social life as a failure with this new job and the extra hours and training, but I have a job and I’m learning valuable skills, and making connections. Sure, it sucks right now to spend half my week sleeping and working and the rest of it catching up on sleep, but it won’t be forever. Eventually things will calm down.

So what does all of this have to do with writing? Failure is everywhere in writing.

It’s when the project isn’t going well, so you give up.

It’s when you send out a piece and it gets rejected.

It’s when your work doesn’t get much views or reads, or acclaim.

Or it can be.

Giving up on that project that doesn’t work can make way for a better project.

Getting rejected can allow you to send your piece somewhere else, somewhere better.

Not getting many views, or reads, or acclaims can allow you to learn how to improve and get more acclaim on the next piece.

Failure is okay, as long as you use it to your advantage.

Failure is only failure if you don’t learn from it and keep moving forward to improve.

I’ve had a lot of failures in the past few months, of so it would seem, but I’m not going to let them stop me.

I’m going to keep moving forward.

How about you?

Trying Something New

As 2018 approaches, I’m going to be trying something new with this blog.

Lately, my writing has been lacking and I feel like these last few months I’ve just been on autopilot and not enjoying life.

For January, I’m going to try doing a blog post a day. If it works, great! I’ll continue it.

If it doesn’t work, well I tried.

I hope you all have a great new year and are looking forward to new content as much as I am.

Not Every Girl is a Pearl

I’m working my way back to me again– Oysters, Tori Amos

Lately, there have been a lot of changes in my life. 

  1. I ended a nearly 3 and a half year relationship 
  2. I chopped off all my hair because I could
  3. I started Judo. 

Let’s start with the ending of the longest relationship I have ever been in. 

2014-2017- The End of an Era

For a long time in that relationship I was oblivious to my own feelings. I had my head in the sand, thinking that I wasn’t really feeling the random thoughts that would pop up. 

It won’t last.

He’s not your type.

Why him?

I chalked it up to hormones, or stress, or the natural feelings of resisting change, the typical thoughts you have when things are going so right and you’re waiting for the worst to strike. 

It wasn’t until another factor came into play, another friend that I’ve been talking with for a few years on and off, that I realized how truly oblivious I was being, how much potential was still out there for me. 

My boyfriend wasn’t the end all, be all that I thought he was. 

So even though it was frightening, I ended up breaking up with him, and honestly, I’m happier than I can remember being for a long time. 

And for the first time in YEARS, most of it is my own happiness, not relying on other people, or things that I think should make me happy, but things that actually make me happy.

I am more confident than I have ever been, finding myself after being in relationship after relationship with no time for me for about a decade with no real time for me. 

It’s been that way since I was sixteen, flitting from relationship to relationship because I lacked confidence to do things on my own, settling for a boy because he gave me attention, and thinking he was the best option out there (Spoiler Alert: They weren’t; that’s why they’re exes). 

Instead, they were all lessons. 

How not to settle, How to find my voice, How to gain confidence, How to lose friends, among several other lessons that are more difficult to explain. 

I’m beginning to wonder what lessons I can learn on my own. 

The Haircut

We’ve all seen the movie cliché, girl breaks up with boy, cuts off her hair in an edgy way, etc etc. Yeah, I cut my hair after the break up, but it was so much more than that. 

For years, in every relationship I have ever been in, I have always valued the opinion of my significant other more than my own–I blame this partly on my family and their values with the very 1950’s mindset, the woman exists to please the man– asking their opinions on the smallest of things, from nail polish colors to what shirt would look better etc. 

This haircut was different because I didn’t ask anyone, I made my own decision and only showed my best friend after it was done. I didn’t post it on social media, or text or call anyone after it was done asking for opinions. 

I just did it, and thought for the first time I think ever:

If someone doesn’t like it they can fuck themselves. It’s mine and I’m claiming it. 

It’s been nearly two weeks and no one has said anything negative about it. It might have to do with this surge of confidence lately, but I’m enjoying it. 

It’s small, but I’m starting to claim my body back as my own and make choices for myself. 

Things that make me happy and comfortable. 

Judo

It’s a little early to tell, since I just started Judo on Monday, but it goes back to choices and confidence. 

This friend I’ve been talking to has been doing Judo for a while and Karate for longer, and he mentioned that I should join Judo. I was nervous because I have very little body-kinesthetic knowledge, and Judo is basically a fighting martial art, but I ended up going, actually breaking a sweat and enjoying it more than I thought I would. 

Monday, it was more calm, groundwork, etc. 

Thursday, it was throws, which were so empowering. Taking someone way heavier than me and throwing them like they weigh close to nothing. The first few were pretty bad, and frightening, but when I got it right, there was nothing like it. 

With throws, you just know when it’s right. 

I think that’s life too. 

You can struggle through it, fight through the weight of decisions, force things over your head until they come crashing down, or you can adjust until everything is perfect and life flows over you like it’s weightless. 

This last month has held a lot of changes, and a lot of growth, and I can’t wait to see what happens next. 

As Tori says, I’m working my way back to me again. 


Oysters-Tori Amos 

Writer Life Lesson #6: Try Something New

As humans, we feel the urge to learn. We feel the urge to expand and learn new things, attempt new things. There are several quotes about knowledge and ignorance, and progress. As writers, we cannot stay in the same place forever, we must advance and grow and learn.

Last week, the lesson was write what you know. This week is a continuation in a way. This week’s lesson is: Try Something New

Yesterday, I did something I have never done before. I got on an airplane and I wrote on that airplane. That was a new, amazing, experience and I’m glad I was able to do it. It was a pretty short plane ride, but it was perfect for a new experience. It was a little taste of something I hadn’t done before.

So what happens when you try something new, either in life or in writing? You gain experiences and stories, both to tell and to write. You can share those experiences with others, and the knowledge that comes from those experiences.

I’m not saying you have to do something big, like get on a plane, or spend your whole life savings on a new house or car. Start with something small that you’ve wanted to try for a while. Try waking up at a new time, or trying a new food. It can be something small. Remember, small steps can lead to big changes.

There are a lot of new experiences to be found in writing too. Try learning something new or researching something you’re interested in. It can be a small step toward a huge change. Try handwriting if you usually type, or typing if you usually handwrite. Try writing a new perspective or even a new character. There are so many options out there, and so many new things to try as a writer.

I’ve tried a lot of new things in the past few years, and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be as great of a writer as I am now. If I hadn’t tried such new things as NaNoWriMo and rewriting and editing, I would not have those experiences and that information to share with all of you. I wouldn’t be as knowledgeable or comfortable with writing, or even sharing all of this.

Learning new things, and trying new things can be frightening. Certain things can be scary, like getting on a plane, or writing a new perspective, or even changing something as small as your morning cereal. Fear is in our lives to help us know what could be dangerous and what could be life-threatening, but a lot of the time, we fear too much. Sometimes, in the face of change, we need to confront our fears head on, and continue on despite them.

So face your fears and try something new. It could actually be fun!

Try something new and give people something to say, whether they doubt you or not.

What is something new you’ve tried recently?