Category: creating

November Update

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

This year has been the most difficult year I can remember. Emotionally, I’m drained. Physically, I’m tired. Mentally, I’m frazzled.

But I am on the mend.

All of 2024 has been one shit show after the other, starting 6 days into the new year! Tragedy after tragedy, death after death, loss after loss. But through it all, I’m still kicking and screaming. Sure, there were times when I thought this year would break me. Times where I felt like I was drowning and the usual mechanisms that could save me were broken and sinking.

After a difficult few months, and the literal feeling like I was drowning, I started taking anti-depressants. They helped me feel better, but for the first time in my life since I decided I wanted to be a writer: I couldn’t write.

I feared that writing had been my depressive addiction, that I used writing to avoid the difficult things in life. While I definitely used it as a distraction before medication, I worried I would not be as creative on the medication. That was a big roadblock.

Another roadblock to writing was the loss of trust in NaNoWriMo. I used to give them the benefit of the doubt on most things over the years as an ML (Municipal Liaison) for them, but after the allegations of child grooming in 2023 and then the increased vitriol and hatred, finally culminating in a series of “unimportant” emails that were actually important (shocking!) where all the MLs were nuked. I have moved on.

That transition was difficult. I had used the monthly writing model for years, ever since I found NaNoWriMo in 2009. I had built up monthly writing goals, editing goals, word count goals, but after that experience was tarnished, I felt like everything else was tarnished too. So I stopped writing.

November used to be NaNoWriMo. I’m not doing NaNoWriMo this year, but I am planting seeds for 2025 and making plans.

This year did not go as I intended it to go in any of the ways I had planned. Wave after wave of grief and loss. The medication helped, but it brought out some focus issues. Which led me to be diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD.

Once I was diagnosed (and medicated), all the little quirks, little issues, big issues and avoidant tendencies suddenly made sense.

Looking back on basically my whole life with the new lens of “I have Depression and ADHD” was absolutely wild. I had to spend some time cataloguing my entire life and noticing both what I had missed out on thanks to the anxiety and fear from my depression and ADHD, but also the signs that I missed of both my depression and ADHD. That was definitely a mindfuck and a little pity party, but it was needed. Now I know how to move forward.

I took a break from writing this year and that’s OK. It was more like I was forced to take a break, but that’s a good thing. I needed to pause, evaluate and figure out how to move forward.

I’m currently in an MFA program for Creative Writing (timing is great, isn’t it?) and that has been rough. I’ve always been a good student, but these first few classes have been a creative struggle and a lesson in how to adapt. One of the classes is “The Business of Writing” and I’m seeing the places where I fall short.

I’ve had great intentions for putting myself out there, but I have always fallen short. But now that things are on the mend, I am going to do my best to improve.

Along with not writing this year, I picked up gardening, knitting (and some crochet- still learning), built a lot of furniture for the newly opened side of my house, and created a space that makes me truly feel happy and creative.

I’m making plans to be more present for 2025. I’m making plans to get back into writing and not make it feel like such a struggle. I’m working on putting myself more out there with my writing and my art despite my intense fear of heartbreaking rejection.

You’ll see more from me over the next few weeks of 2024 and in 2025!

 

January Result and February Goals

Finally! January is over and gone. This January was simultaneously the longest month ever and gone in a flash. Between unexpected family health issues, a crazy busy month at the day job and being creatively spent, I’m so glad we’re heading into February. I’m ready for a new month and new goals.

Here’s how I did in January.

January Results

Writing Goals

FOREWARNING: I did not complete any of the goals I wanted to complete this month. Family obligations and creative burnout hit me like a train.

Outline Open Projects

I did not outline any open projects like I wanted this month. It wasn’t the month for it and I was creatively spent.

Update Blog and other Platforms

I did not update the blog or any other platforms. This month was BUSY and any extra time I had was put toward relaxing. Eventually I will update the blog and other platforms but this was not the month for that.

Publish consistently on the Blog, Medium and Substack

I did not publish consistently throughout the month like I had planned to do. Creative burnout and January simultaneously being very very short and so impossibly long feeling did not help with deadlines or due dates.

Submit a Short Story to a magazine

I did not submit a short story to a magazine like I wanted to do. I got in my own head and let imposter syndrome swallow me and chew me up.

Personal Goals

Exercise 4x/week

Exercise did not happen at all this month and I’m really not happy about it. Between cold weather, poor time management and a whole host of other things, it didn’t happen.

Drink Enough Water daily (with the help of Waterminder)

I don’t think I drank enough water at all, all month. This month was crazy busy and hectic and I was not the best at taking care of myself.

Other

I started my Invisalign treatment after having brace for 5 1/2 months. The transition was not the easiest, but nearly 3 weeks in I’m starting to get the hang of what I can and cannot eat.

I was supposed to submit a work for NYC Midnight’s Short Story Challenge this month, but I was just so creatively drained, I didn’t even make the effort.

January was definitely a “Refill the Creative Well” month. I hopped back on the fan fiction train and focused on writing some fan fiction while I wait for a few works to be ready for edits. I also read two books this month and watched a lot of Star Trek with my husband. Now that January is winding down, I’m starting to feel the threads of creativity again.

Word Count: 32,953

I hope February is a better creative month for me.

February Goals

Writing Goals

Choose and make progress on an editing project for the month

I have several editing projects I would like to get through this year, some in the middle of edits and others abandoned for years. I would like to start chipping away at my massive pile of works to be edited and start/finish one this month. I have one project needing only a few more chapters to get through the first round of edits, but I also have a whole mostly finished series begging to be drudged up again. We’ll see how it goes!

Get back to posting regularly on the blog, Medium and Subtack

When I was posting consistently in November and December, I really enjoyed it. I would like to pick up the momentum again and keep it up throughout the rest of the year as I’m able.

Personal Goals

Exercise 4x/week

I would like to exercise more this month (wouldn’t we all?). I hope between writing projects I can remind myself to get outside and go for a walk or at least get some yoga in. 

Drink Enough Water daily (with the help of Waterminder)

I’ve been trying to be better with drinking water, but it’s not always the easiest. Hopefully this month I can make some positive steps in the right direction. 

What about you? What are your goals for the upcoming month?

 

What I’ve Learned: Typing up Old Works

I am fortunate enough as a writer that I started writing my stories with paper and pen. This is also unfortuate, because a lot of my works from my formative years in the early 2000’s (excuse me as I age myself) are all in a storage bin somewhere. Because of this, I still can’t find the original first novel I wrote and finished at 14. I’m hoping it’s somewhere in storage, somewhere safe, but we shall see.

I should say all the works were in storage or in a bin somewhere. Over the last few months I have scanned them in for safekeeping. A lot of those ideas are still good, or didn’t get the time they deserved back then because I got bored and started something else. Well, now they’re getting the time they deserve.

As of this month, I’ve begun to type up the works in an attempt to return to them later and either finish or repurpose them.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far in the first few weeks.

I’ve advanced a lot in the last decade of writing

I am so thankful for this! This year marks 20 years of writing (and more than half my life). The first few attempts were quite rough, with a lot of over explaining, a lot of characters staring at each other and long paragraphs of purple prose. I’m not perfect in my writing now, but I am glad I’ve made strides to correct some of my previous mistakes and improve upon my craft.

Some of the names are so cringe

While I don’t have the original of the first novel I ever wrote, I remember the names were so cringe. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to name my main character, so her name kept changing the more people she interacted with. Historical fiction with names like AnnaLiegh and a multitude of other terrible spellings of “old fashioned sounding” names.

In a piece I wrote around 2007/2008, the names aren’t terrible, but spelled so bad. Caylob (who while typing up I kept typing as Cayblob) and Fevar and Braxley. This novel, in my prime teenage years was a great example of why I should not have been naming real life people back then or even thinking about having any kind of responsibility for naming anything, even a puppet or two.

The ideas are spectacular, the execution not so much

When I was a teenager, I had a lot of great ideas, but not a lot of idea how to finish them. A lot of my projects had really strong beginnings, even if the word structure of the sentences were a little cringe. I typed up a chapter of a work recently and my goodness there was so much staring, no page breaks, and each movement was described in too much detail. “Her eyes watched his eyes as she blinked and smiled” kind of thing. So much cringe, but at least now that I’m putting it into a digital form, that means I can edit it all later and avoid the awkward of both characters staring at each other for long periods of time.

There has been so much creativity living in these forgotten pages and I am so excited to explore a few of those old ideas, finish them, and see what happens next now that I have grown as a writer.

It’s really nice looking back and seeing how much I’ve improved

A lot of these works, as I mentioned, are from the early 2000’s circa 2005-2010ish. There’s a lot of growth within the works between the years. Lately, I’ve been down on my current writing because I’m in the middle of everything, throwing a pity party that my writing is stale, blah blah blah. Thankfully, looking back at where I started has helped me see that I have come a long way in the last 15+ years.

I can’t wait to see where I’ll be in the next 15 years as I keep moving forward and making improvements in my craft and my writing.

 

What I’ve Learned…

Since 2023 started, I have written something every single day. As of August 1st, I have almost 240K to show for it. This is not the longest streak of writing I’ve ever had, but I will say I have learned a lot.

Here are some of my biggest takeaways.

Have Multiple Projects…

In the past, I’ve liked to work on one project at a time. In the past few months however, I have learned multiple projects means multiple places to jump around and put words if I feel like working on something else. I usually have a few “main” projects I try and hit every day, and then a few “side” projects that I can hit every day, or I can go back to whenever I feel like it. A few sentences in each every day yields a larger word count than you expect. On the flip side, having too many projects can be tough too.

…But Not too many that it feels overwhelming

Over the last few years that I’ve been taking writing seriously, there have been a lot of projects that languish and grow dull and lose their spark. Some days, I feel like writing a little bit in everything. Other days, I feel like throwing the project in the garbage. On those days, I move past that project and hope I feel more inclined to work on it in a few days. There are so many new sparks of ideas that come to me, many of which are those projects that have languished. So I have learned that the idea can be as fun as it wants, but that doesn’t mean I have to start it right away. Adding more projects to the massive list I have (oh and homework for my bachelor’s too), would be too overwhelming.

A few sentences a day go a long way…

There have been several days when a few sentences in a few projects will give me anywhere between 500 and 1500 words. If I have a short amount of time (hello, busy work and school life), I’ll write a few sentences where I can in a few projects. I’ll usually keep that streak up for a few days, then get busy and focus on a large project (like editing), but it helps to keep the momentum going by coming back to a project every day or even ever other day.

…But Sometimes momentum feels stilted.

Sometimes, when I give myself what I have been calling “5 Sentences and a thought” (Cute, right? 😂), the action of the scene can feel stilted, or worse, it takes me a month to write one scene. Depending on the day, sometimes 5:AT feels like slogging through mud. “I want to say this, but that is 6 sentences!” Or I don’t know where I want to go so I spend 5 sentences describing something mundane or describing a character’s inner thoughts badly. It can get comical, and at least I’m making progress, but most days after those sentences I tend to berate myself. “Really me?! No direction for today?”

Overall, the most important thing for me, since so many of these projects are first drafts, is getting the words down on the page and working through the story. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to get done. These are things that I’ve learned over the last 180+ days, and maybe in the next 180, I’ll throw it all out the window.

I’m learning, and I am growing. Most importantly, I’m writing every day.