Tag: personal

November Results and December Goals

November was a strange mix of fast and slow, creativity and drought, and work and play. It’s hard to believe it’s already over and we’re now in the last month of 2020.

Here’s how my month went and how much I accomplished:

November Results:

NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo 2020 went great as far as the straight challenge goes. I did reach 50K and “won”, but I did not reach my personal goal of 60K (or 2K/day). I did get nearly 75% through the plot though, so I’m taking it as a win.

Finish Several Open Projects

Not much progress was made on any other projects besides my NaNo project this year, but I planned for this goal to work through December too.

Read One Book

I actually did this one! I read The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab and I absolutely loved it. Reading books has always been a favorite activity of mine, but I have never seemed to have enough time. It was really great being able to return to it.

Word Total: 54,182

December Goals:

Finish My NaNoWriMo 2020 Project

As I said, I got a good portion through the plot during November, and I would really like to finish it before the end of 2020.

Finish Several Open Projects

I have several novels and short stories to get through by the end of the calendar year, so I can start fresh once 2020 is over. I’m hoping I’ll make decent progress in these pieces (Ghost House Heart, Fan fiction part 3, and a few miscellaneous others) during the month of November and into December.

Read One Book

I’m hoping to get some time away from writing and refill the tank and read something new. I’m working through something nonfiction for the first time in a while, so we’ll have to see how that goes.

Personal Growth

The month of November has shown me I need to make some changes and do some growing and changing if I want to have the life I strive for. I’m not entirely sure yet what personal growth will include, but stay tuned!

November was really productive and I hope the streak continues in December!

Wednesday Works: Sappy Poem For a Loved One

To you,

The man I’ve known since we were children,

The one who has grown up into such a wonderful man:

With you, the days fly by in laughter and sweet kisses.

The nights glide by with sweet nothings and delicious delights,

With you, the companion of my dreams.

When we’re apart, I crave you.

When we’re together, I yearn for your smile, your touch, your laugh.

I long to be seen by you.

I long to dance with you deep into the midnight hours,

Hold you in the early mornings before the sun comes up.

I crave to be with you, even when we simply be and nothing else.

There are so many words I can try to put down,

But it will simply never be enough.

But I think you know what I’m trying to say.

Day Five: Menu

When I was more active and doing things in certain communities, I went to a ramen and sushi restaurant with a bunch of colleagues. One gentleman opened the menu, closed it, and ordered Shrimp Tempura.

I ordered curry, because I was afraid of making a mess and splashing everyone around me if I ate ramen.

Later we learned the gentleman got a menu in full Japanese and ordered what he wanted anyway.

I ordered because I was scared. Perhaps I need to take a lesson from that gentleman, and take more risks.

You Want to Be a Writer? Act Like One

These past few weeks, the entire month of February, has been strange for me. I had a tonsillectomy on the 31st of January and practically all of February was spent in bed recovering, or scrambling to get homework done as my semester for my bachelors program was winding down.

Yes, I know, I’m excellent at scheduling things and procrastination.

This strange time warp (thank you liquid Lortab for keeping the pain at bay and helping me catch up on much needed sleep, even if the nightmares were terrifying) left little time for me to write, and write coherently.

I was back at work for three days before this first cold whammied me into another week of bed rest. But it gave me a little more time to think and process, and yes, write!

I’ve been listening to a few new podcasts lately, all about writing and being a writer. There were a few that talked about whether or not a writer can call themselves a writer and what the criteria was or should be. Should you have a book published? A famous column in a newspaper? Can you be called a writer if only one other person, or no one has read any works?

I have always called myself a writer. I’ve started and finished several novels, short stories, plays and poems, not to mention blog posts and forum posts here and there. As far as I am concerned, I am a writer.

But over these past few months, I haven’t really been acting like a writer. I haven’t had that drive to finish something, or post something, or even think about writing in the least.

I am very pleased to say that today for the first time in a long while, I pulled out a short story that I wrote years ago and edited it. I’m not going to lie, I struggled to get motivated, to actually edit and not get distracted by the internet, or flash games, or more podcasts and posts about writing, but once I got into it and started, it was much easier.

I am a writer, and I am going to act like it.

#14: My Diary

When I open my diary from five years ago, it’s hard to believe that I lived that life and that that person was me.

Five years ago, I thought I was happy, I thought I was whole, but I laugh now at how wrong I was. I laugh at how much growing I still had to do.

How much growing I still have to do.

Five years ago, I was barely an adult, floating through my life with all the dreams in my head propelling me up into the clouds, and my feet not on the ground. Five years ago, I was just out of a relationship that is my worst relationship to date, and looking back now, I am so relieved.

Five years ago, I was a coward, ready to do and be whatever anyone wanted me to be. I would rather have been one to fit in and go with the flow.

Not anymore.

Now, I’m standing tall, becoming my own person, and making waves.

Hello World!

#5: Leftovers

There are certain things that carry over from the previous days and years. It’s been five years since nursing school started, five years since I got out of that terrible relationship, five years since every relationship I thought I had changed.

There are so many things I’m still holding onto that I shouldn’t. After five years, the leftovers are starting to rot.

They no longer serve me, and I’m letting them go,

It’s time to be me again.

#2: CD

I was fresh out of the package,

and you burned me with your influence.

Fed me your lines and your rhymes,

All in perfect time and cadence.

You marked me with your ways,

and your faults,

so that whenever I do anything,

I am reminded of you.

Your rhymes and your cadences,

all getting stuck in my head as they are tattooed on my skin.

Sometimes,

the only way to heal is to break,

shatter until I can’t hear your melody anymore.

Break and twist until I can no longer fit in your machine.

Houdini 

She’s slowly disappearing. 

The artist, the creative, 

The crazy. 

She is being replaced.

The analytical, the theorist,

The Calm under all circumstances. 

So you paint your skin with permanent ink,

And pierce your skin with loud colored metals,

And hope you recognize yourself in the mirror,

Through the work professional attire,

And the fake smiles. 

You try to keep yourself from disappearing. 

Is it working?

Digging up the Past

Where have I been all your life? I’ve been there, but not there entirely. When I was born you were nearly thirty and had already lived so much life without me. 

We had a few years together, just you and I, but I was too young to remember them. You hold the secret to what my first word was, where I took my first steps, and how I was potty trained. You hold so many secrets, but I never got to ask you about any of it. 

Those secrets went with you when you left us and I can’t help but lament the things I’ll never know. 

I’ve got 100 resolutions but none of them are what I want to know from you. 

Our time together was never resolved. We didn’t have the resolutions I wanted. 

We’ll never know each other as well as we wanted. 

Goals for 2015

I’ve done a lot of talking about goals, and how important they are, but I haven’t really shared any of mine yet. I suppose this post would hold more importance around the new year, but goals can and should be considered all the time. The new year is a great reason to start new goals, but it shouldn’t be the only reason.

My goals for 2015 are:

1. Write every day- This goal should be pretty obvious. I am a writer and if I want to continue to be a writer, I should take it seriously and write. I have tried this goal several times, for several years, but something always gets in the way. So far, I have missed a few days here and there, but I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. Since starting this goal in the middle of January, I have written around 20K total.

2. Finish the second book in my series- I started the second book, Little Earthquakes: The Child, in November of 2012 (Thanks, NaNo!). The end of that year and the beginning of 2013 were very stressful for me, and I barely even touched the surface of the second book. After editing and rewriting parts of the first book, the plots of book two changed into something better. Since I finished the third draft of book one, it’s time to let that rest and give some life to book two.

3. Edit the first book in the series- I began the first book, Spark: The Girl, in November of 2011 (Thank you, NaNo!) and I had parts of a plot, but not any ideas strong enough for a whole series (which it quickly became). After finishing the first draft, and realizing the holes and the several changes it needed, I began to write draft two, which then became draft three after several more realizations. Now that draft three is done and complete, it’s time to try something new and edit it thoroughly and start looking for a publisher. Maybe even draft four too.

4. Write a short story every month- I used to struggle with short stories. I figured why write a short story when you could write a whole novel? I began my first short story in April of 2013, to challenge myself, and I actually ended up liking it. I decided when 2014 rolled around to do a short story a month. I managed to write nine short stories and start a tenth before 2015 started. I liked it so much last year that I’m doing it again this year. Not only does it flex my creative muscles, but it gives me the option to work on something else if I get stuck in a novel.

5. Send something out for a contest and/or publishing- This was one of my goals last year. I expected to be finished with the third draft way sooner than I actually finished it, and I was going to edit it quickly, find an agent and a publisher and have it published by the end of the year. That didn’t happen and to be honest, I’m quite glad. It would have been a complete mess. However, what did happen was way better. I found out about a short story contest and submitted what I thought was my best work. I didn’t win or anything special, but at least I tried. It was frightening at first, to say the least, but the confidence boost afterward was one of the best gifts ever. I plan to do something like that again this year.

Now that I’ve shared mine, what are some of your goals?

The Importance of Goals

Without something to strive for, to work towards, we are stagnant. No matter what your preferred calling is, whether it be your occupation, your hobby, or maybe even a little of both, goals are necessary.

For several years, I have had goals, both writing goals, and goals in other areas of life. I’ve had both long and short term goals, which in some cases can be interchangable.  Sometimes, short term goals can morph into long term, or vice versa. If a long term goal feels unattainable,  break it into smaller short term goals. For example: If the goal is a burst of confidence by the end of the year it’s not something to start the first day of December. Some goals take time, and that’s not a bad thing.

Sometimes we’re not ready for our goals, we’re scared, or shy, or we don’t have the means to complete them just yet,  or the time and patience. That is perfectly fine, sometimes we have to fail a few times before we succeed. That’s part of learning and the human experience.

If we all succeeded the first time we tried something, we would never learn anything. We would not grow, or advance as a society. Failing is perfectly acceptable, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Of course, we never really want to fail, but sometimes it is inevitable. That’s why I am going to share some of my goals, both that I succeeded and failed in.

Let’s start with 2009. I was in my first year of college, trying to get through Anatomy, Psychology and College algebra. That was the first year I found out about NaNoWriMo (nanowrimo.org), which takes place in November. You know what else takes place in November? Finals. I had to make a choice between preparing for finals and writing 50,000 words, or fail both. I chose finals, and I succeeded in furthering my progress in my long term goal of nursing. Did that stop me from doing NaNoWriMo the next year?  No way!

In 2010, I got into the CNA program and succeeded.

Then I had to wait three years for my acceptance into the LVN program. Three years is a long time to wait for your goal, and for a while, I lost track of my goals. I like to call those years my “dark ages” and for good reason.

2011- I was dating a guy for most of 2011 (let’s call him Poland). Thing went well for a while, and them my feelings for him died when I met another guy who I deemed more my type (let’s call him Hilter… It’s going to be a complex metaphor). Because of the conflict the rest of my 2011 sucked and I nearly failed classes I needed for nursing school because of it. I was writing a novel at the time and I nearly didn’t finish that either.

2012- Hitler didn’t work out, so I dated Himmler for a month,  and that was like being stuck in a work camp, and after him Goebels, which was one of the worst mistakes of my life. I dropped more classes that I needed (and that counted against me later), I screwed up my sleep schedule, and I nearly jeopardized my chances of getting into the nursing program at all. I was aimless, I had forgotten my long term goals. Even my short term goals and my writing suffered.

And then 2013 came,  I got into the LVN program, and I succeeded. Sure, there were pitfalls In that year too, but there were also triumphs. I made it through all three semesters,  I wrote, I reached some short and some long term goals. I learned about myself and I was able to succeed once I put my mind to it.

2014 was even better. I worked my ass off through the RN year, I met the best man I have ever been with, who I love more than I ever thought imaginable, and I wrote ten (10!) short stories, finished a full length novel and faced my fears and submitted something to a writing contest. I could not have done any of that if I hadn’t struggled through those “dark ages”.

Goals, whether we succeed or fail, teach us something about ourselves and others.

What goals do you have?