Christmas is different this year,
With so many friends and family missing from our table.
So many stories left untold,
Lives left unlived.
Things lost that can never be returned.
Still we sing Christmas Carols,
Wish good tidings,
And quietly pray for a better year ahead.
Ten years ago, I doubt I would have thought of myself here now,
Where I am now and who I was in that moment are markedly different.
For that, I am proud.
The me of ten years ago never thought herself worthy of time or love, stuck in those last few moments for so long.
For that, I am saddened.
Now, I have so much love, so much potential, so much drive to move forward.
To gain all those things, it took growth, leaving so much behind and learning from life lessons,
Lessons that should have never been taught so young.
I had just become an adult, and just like that, felt like nothing but a kid again.
As a kid, I had never felt truly safe in your arms,
But I stayed there much longer after you left.
Not physically, but emotionally.
I think about you a lot,
Even more so over the last few months, when everything has changed for the better.
I dread becoming like you,
I beg for a better life than you had.
I hope I do it all better.
I hope I find a better ending.
Ten years, you’ve been gone.
Ten years of growth you never got to see.
Despite all the struggles,
I still miss you, Mom.
As I head into the hardest month of every year, I’m thankful March was so productive. It flew by in a blur of homework, work, and writing, but I’m glad I was able to accomplish as much as I did.
Edit One Short Story
I didn’t quite edit a short story in the way I wanted to. Another project landed in my lap to edit, and I couldn’t help it. I actually had a deadline for this project and the edits involved with it. I can’t say much about it at the moment, but stay tuned for more updates!
Edit 4 chapters or finish the current Story Arc
This goal took up my whole month. March was definitely the month for editing the novel and the story arc and it did not disappoint. The arc took me the whole month, and five chapters instead of four, but that means I have edited half of the proposed chapters for the current project I’m editing.
NYC Midnight Screenplay Challenge
This challenge goes into April too so I’ll talk about it then. So far, working on other projects has taken precedence, but tune in next month for a better update.
Finish a Short Story from 2022
This month, writing didn’t really come as easy as reading or editing. As much as I wanted to finish this short story, it will have to be at another time. I have a direction now at least, which is always better than no direction.
Exercise
Exercising wasn’t really my top priority this month. With the rain and the strange weather throughout March, I spent more time wishing I could exercise, rather than actually doing the work and exercising. Next month, I am really hoping to get back to a decent routine and stick to it.
Journal
I journaled every day but two in March. Things have started to move forward with certain aspects of my life and my health. A few days I got too swept up in it and completely forgot to journal. I’m hoping to keep up my streak next month and do a full month and full pages for my mental health.
Reading a book series, or I suppose re-reading, sucked up a lot of my time in March. I can’t help it, I get sucked into a good book and it’s hard to claw my way out and write original things. I managed to read three books in the main series this month, which means once again, I will reach my reading goal waaaayyy before the end of the year. Now it’s time to read another trilogy I’ve been trying to read for a long time, but have always been distracted. That also means I need to update my reading goal for the year. Nothing too crazy, but I do like to have goals.
I also have good news coming, with any luck sooner rather than later now that the momentum is moving in the right direction.
Edit Another Arc of Book 1
I’ve started to like the idea of editing my novel in arcs. It’s nice to work on a few chapters at a time, make them as strong as they can be, rather than slogging through the whole novel from front to back over and over again. I’m hoping to keep editing through a few arcs and hopefully have the novel fully edited by June or July.
Camp NaNoWriMo/35K in book 3.
I’ve been itching to finish book 3 of the series for months, especially since November and NaNoWriMo when I started book three was absolute trash. Slowly, I’ve been chipping away, but I’m excited to focus on it in April during Camp NaNoWriMo.
Poetry
I’m looking forward to working on some poetry in the upcoming month. The idea struck me toward the end of March, and with it being National Poetry month, why not?
Exercise
With any luck, the weather in April will be better than the stormy stuff we had in March. I am hoping to make exercise more of a habit and less of a chore, so we’ll see how that goes.
Journal
Journaling has been getting more difficult, more dragging, so I’m hoping I find more joy in it again this month. Or if not joy, at least a place to pour out my grief as we approach the month that sucks every year.
Hopefully the month of April won’t be too rough and I can actually get some decent work done.
What are your goals for the month of April?
I cannot believe another year of writing has come and gone! This year has definitely had its ups and downs, but I’m happy I’ve been able to do what I love in writing and creating.
One Short Story
As much as I wanted to write a short story this month, writing was a bit of a chore. Between all the preparation of reducing my hours at my current job and all the preparation of getting everything settled for the new job, writing took a bit of a backseat. There were several days where I didn’t even write at all. So unfortunately, I still have one and a half short stories that I’m taking with me into the new year.
Continue Edits
December wasn’t really the month for edits. Between finishing up final papers for school, getting everything ready for a new job, and wrapping up things at my current job, things got quite a bit hectic. Though I did make a more solid plan to make sure edits do get done.
Poetry
It took me a little while to get into the groove with the poetry contest, but I finished at least 18 poems and submitted them to the contest just before Christmas. I really enjoyed writing and putting together something I haven’t done in a while. Returning to poetry was fun, and something I might continue into next year.
In December, a lot happened. I worked my butt off at my job, plus filling out paperwork for the new job and eventually started that job right after Christmas. I wrote poetry and technically published said poetry. I wrote some flash fiction and published to Medium.
While this month wasn’t a spectacularly big word count month, it was a big month as far as preparing for the future. Besides publishing to Medium and signing a publishing contract for poetry, I also opened an Etsy store and truly looked in to publishing some of my previous works.
In personal news, I got engaged. I couldn’t be happier.
As far as the whole year goes, I feel pretty successful. I didn’t manage to reach all of my goals, but I put in a good effort and have a lot to show for it. I feel like I’ve made large leaps and bounds compared to where I was at this time last year, and I hope I’ll have even more to show for it when we reach this time next year.
Here’s how I did on my goals for 2022:
Write Every Day
As hard as I tried to write every single day of the year, it just simply wasn’t possible. Something would come up, or lack of motivation would strike. That being said, I feel like I did the best I could given the circumstances.
January: 100%
February: 100%
March: 83%, with 26/31 days
April: 86%, with 26/30 days
May: 93% with 29/31 days
June: 100%
July: 77% with 24/31 days
August: 80% with 25/31 days
September: 80% with 24/30 days
October: 87% with 27/31 days
November: 100%
December: 55%, with 17/31
Total/Average: 87%, with 317 days of writing.
Short Story a Month
For the short stories, I didn’t always finish them in one span of 30 days, but I did finish 11/12 I set out to do. I think that’s pretty impressive.
Violet
Angie
Sinead
The Red Flower
Trifecta
Fairytales
Inventors of Tomorrow-NYC FF contest round one
Mess is Easier-NYC FF contest round two
The Goodbye Girl – First piece of fiction written for my bachelor’s program
The Way Out
Two of a Kind
Write/Edit Six Novels in 2022
Writing and editing was my big goal for 2022. I figured I could get a lot more done than I did. Due to time constraints and other goals and projects (like school and a full-time job), I did not finish or edit as many projects as I had planned to. Still, I’m happy that I finished the projects I did finish.
Magic and Romance – Finished June 2022 (First Draft)
Ghost House Heart – Finished October 2022 (First Draft)
Speaking From the Soul: Poems of Places Yet Explored – Finished December 2022 (First Draft)
Read at least Four Books
Surprisingly, reading was easier than I expected it to be. I haven’t really kept a great reading schedule over the past few years, whether it was due to school or a hectic work/life balance, but I was quite pleased to get back into reading. Maybe I shouldn’t have spent more time reading than writing, but I have no regrets. I read a lot of great books this year.
SpellMaker by Charlie N. Holmberg- Feb 2022
The Phantom of the Bathtub by Eugenia Riley – Feb 2022
A Ruin of Roses by K.F. Breene- March 2022
A Throne of Ruin by K.F. Breene- March 2022
A Kingdom of Ruin by K.F. Breene- March 2022
All the Murmuring Bones by A.G. Slatter- April 2022
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy-September 2022
Dis-Harmony: A Jigsaw Collection of Misguided Dating by Rachel R. Kovach- September 2022
Love and Lexapro by Emma Alexis Woodard- September 2022
Creative Challenges
For 2022, I had planned on competing in every NYC Midnight competition. As hard as I tried, once again with a busy schedule and hectic life, it simply wasn’t possible to compete in all of them. I did very much enjoy the ones I did compete in though.
NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge: Did Not Compete
This challenge, I signed up for, but had to drop out at the last minute due to procrastination and homework. Unfortunately for the time being, homework and school has to come first.
NYC Midnight Microfiction Challenge (100 Word):
This year, the microfiction challenge was quite fun. I started out with a genre I don’t usually write and had fun with it, even if it was a bit crass. In the first round, I scored 13th place, which meant I got to go on to round 2 and write another 100-word story. I didn’t place in round two, but I had fun writing it and getting feedback.
NYC Midnight Microficiton Challenge (250 Word):
This is the first time I’ve competed in this challenge, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I’m not used to 250 words, but it does give a lot more to play with than 100 words. I’m looking forward to the challenge that round two brings in the upcoming year.
NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge:
This year, I got to write in a genre I’ve never written in before for round one. I enjoyed it and got to play around with some fun futuristic elements. In round two, I got to experiment with some really dark themes and actually scare myself with the piece I wrote.
NYC Midnight Screenwriting Challenge: Did Not Compete
NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Challenge:Did Not Compete
NYC Midnight Rhyming Story Challenge: Did Not Compete
I signed up for this one, but due to several other obligations (mainly homework) I was not able to actually write and submit anything. Instead, I have the prompts saved up for some future plans.
Thank Goodness November is finally over. I usually love November for the intense joy of writing, but this November has kicked my butt in too many ways. I’m excited we’re now in December, a brand new month, with brand new goals, but that also means the year is wrapping up. Time to get my butt in gear and finish the year strong.
Here’s how I did in my goals.
NaNoWriMo
NaNoWriMo could have gone better this year. With oral surgery, a wedding to attend, antibiotics, cough medicine and everything else that went on this month, it was a struggle to find the time and the energy to sit down and write words. At one point, I was even close to 10K behind, but I slowly started to crawl my way back and try to make a dent in the actual novel I should be working on and not all my side projects. Thankfully, the last day of the month, I crossed the finish line on multiple projects and reached the 50K mark.
Continue Edits
This month, edits were stop and go. There were a few days where I was consistent in editing, and then there were more days where I wasn’t consistent at all. Unfortunately there were a lot of zeros on my spreadsheet for editing, but I expected that with it being NaNoWriMo and all. Drafting is definitely quicker than editing and usually gives me more words. But I did learn a decent trick over the last few weeks of editing backwards and keeping the story fresh in my head. Hopefully it helps me edit more words as we roll into December.
One Short Story/Finish a Short Story
This month, I worked a little bit on everything. I started a new short story and added that to my ever-growing list of short stories for the year. I finished two short stories this month and nearly caught up in my short story per month quota. By the end of the year, I hope to have 12 short stories that I can edit next year and see where they end up.
NYC Midnight’s 250 Microfiction Competition
The NYC Midnight Microfiction challenge went well. I was able to throw it together in a few hours, right in the heat of COVID and more than enough cough medicine to kill a horse. The genre was romantic comedy and I hope I caught enough romance and comedy to make it shine in only 250 words. Now I wait for the results.
Toward the end of October, I fell down my stairs and had to nurse that back to health with a metric ton of Ibuprofen and Tylenol. Then the first week of November I had oral surgery and had a tooth removed and had to take antibiotics and narcotics (which always make me queasy), then finally the week after that, COVID finally caught up with me and kicked my ass. Toward the end of the month, when I finally started to feel like myself again after a few days off, I managed to catch up on all my projects for the month. I really found the community of writers in my local area which helped me find the final push I needed to get some things done.
For the first time, I published some of my microfiction to Medium. You can read it and follow me here.
One Short Story
I already have my idea for the short story in December. I already have a good portion of the short story from November mapped out. I’m hoping to work on both in the next month and finish my goal of 12 short stories this year strong. It’s been a really good year for short stories and I’m looking forward to adding another story to my ever-growing list.
Continue Edits
Edits are picking up again after NaNoWriMo and now that I have a direction, I’m ready to get moving and make as much progress as I can before the end of the year. I’m thinking if I spend at least thirty minutes a day doing some kind of editing, I’ll have more than I started with at the beginning of the month.
Poetry
On a whim, I signed up for a poetry competition. I’ve been looking for more publishing opportunities, and that will hopefully include poetry one of these days. The goal for the competition is one poem a day for 21 days. Either way, if I manage to get a few poems down, it’s more than what I started with at the end of the month.
What goal are you trying to wrap up by the end of the year?
March has been absolutely crazy, with a lot of weird and bad news. It seemed like everything seemed to consipire against me completing my goals and making progress on anything really. The whole month of March was not a good writing month, or even a good school month, and I felt like I was just spinning my wheels and waiting for the next setback.
Write One Short Story
The short story started out so well at the beginning of the month. Then, I had my first non-writing day in 277 days. After that, the short story seemed to flounder and then stay on the back burner for school and work and anything and everything else.
Finish My 2021 NaNoWriMo Project
It wasn’t in the cards this month to finish my 2021 NaNoWriMo Project. With hectic schedules, more in-depth homework assignments and new stressors, it just wasn’t the month to finish anything. I’m hoping to take a break and come back to it fresh in the next couple months.
Attend a Writing Conference Online
This goal is actually one I have been able to somewhat complete. While I didn’t actually attend any of the live conference, I am able to watch the recordings and gain the knowledge from them. I am excited to gain more knowledge from this conference and learn all I can.
In March, I read three books that I honestly did not think would be my cup of tea, but pleasantly surprised me. I didn’t really think I would like spicy adult romances with smut in 90% of the chapters, but the story sucked me in and I couldn’t put it down. Unfortunately, it adversely affected my writing time, so I aim to find a balance over the next few months.
March was quite a tough month. I got some bad news regarding a beloved family pet, Hazel, and the last bit of the month was touch and go as far as everything goes. She turns 14 today, and I am hoping to give her the best birthday ever. Please, if any of you have pets, give them a nice cuddle or a treat and show them you love them.
Finish/Write One Short Story
I have to say, I really enjoyed the short story I was writing for March before everything went to pot. It is a really strong idea and I want to see it done, and possibly work on the second half of the story in April. I’m hoping to get back into my routine of writing daily again, especially since March was so hectic and not a good writing month at all.
Camp NaNoWriMo
This year, for Camp NaNoWriMo, I’m not planning on working on one project, but multiple. A short story, a memoir or two, poetry, edits. Anything and everything, I am counting toward Camp NaNoWriMo, and I’m hoping to have some fun with it.
Poetry
April is National Poetry Month, and I’m hoping to get a small piece of poetry written every day to encourage the habit of writing every day again. Who knows? Some of it might even be half decent.
NYC Midnight’s 100 Word Microfiction Challenge
I’ve signed up for the Challenge and I’m really hoping that at 100 words I can find some time to get it done between homework and all of the other creative projects I have going on. Here’s hoping I can make it happen.
I’m really hoping April is a better month than March was, for multiple reasons.
I want you to be proud of me,
See the change I’ve made.
I hope your heart melts
When you see me riding in,
On those white horses,
Courage blazing.
But instead,
The drifts get deeper as I drown,
In utter embarrassment.
The little boy soldiers rush at each other
With armor of mistakes and the pain of being alone,
Losing their only love,
Having their hearts torn from their chests.
They don’t use swords or shields,
Sharp tongues and well thought out excuses their weapons.
The older strikes first,
The first blow with the most dangerous weapon he has:
His words.
The other defends himself
Using ignorance and stupidity as a shield.
The battle continues this way,
Words and excuses,
Blows too difficult and terrible,
Deeper than any weapon could pierce.
After hours pass by in playland,
They still fight with all the energy they have left.
They fight until all energy has left them.
Both wait for the other to stand and fight,
Panting, sweating, huffing and puffing,
In agony.
They stand, knees shaking, hearts pounding.
They rush at each other,
More than mere words ready to come out.
Their blood is on my hands.
Write a poem called “The End” it cannot be about death, a break up, or the apocalypse.
When she pens the words “The End”,
It’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.
One that’s lived with her in her head,
Taken space in her home and bed.
When she writes the words “The End”,
It’s a message to the universe she sends.
Even the best of things can’t go on
Even the best writers must move on.
Move on to edits, and rewrites and more and more.
Type on bleeding fingers until the Ego is sore.
When she types “The End”,
It’s a message.
She’s ready to start again.
Ten years of friendship,
Three years of dating,
One year engaged,
It’s all lead to this:
My wedding day.
I should be ecstatic.
I’ve thought of this day since I was a child.
Six years old, playing with Barbie and her perfect specimen Ken.
Her dress was always perfect,
So is mine.
It’s the day of my dreams,
Everything is perfect.
A panic has set in.
From a few simple words,
Dripped from the mouth of a hungover bridesmaid.
“I’m glad I’m here at your first wedding.”
I try to calm myself,
She didn’t mean it that way.
But the more I think about it,
The more I:
Panic.
Most weddings end in divorce as it is.
Most couples spend thousands and thousands.
The flowers,
The cake,
The venue.
Only for it to all end in a piece of paper,
One that means the end to their love.
What if he and I are the same?
What if we’re just a statistic?
What if it’s all a lie?
A pretty lie we tell all of our friends and family
For one day,
And then nothing is the same after?
Do I dare take that risk,
Knowing it might end in
One year?
Three years?
Ten years?
Yes.
I do.
Beeps.
Ringing.
Underwater.
Pain.
Pressure.
Ringing.
Can.
You.
Hear.
Me.
Now?
…No.
This is a poem I posted on twitter in response to a podcast back in August of 2019
I want you to be proud of me,
See the change I’ve made.
I hope your heart melts
When you see me riding in,
On those white horses.
But instead,
The drifts get deeper as I drown,
In utter embarrassment.
To you,
The man I’ve known since we were children,
The one who has grown up into such a wonderful man:
With you, the days fly by in laughter and sweet kisses.
The nights glide by with sweet nothings and delicious delights,
With you, the companion of my dreams.
When we’re apart, I crave you.
When we’re together, I yearn for your smile, your touch, your laugh.
I long to be seen by you.
I long to dance with you deep into the midnight hours,
Hold you in the early mornings before the sun comes up.
I crave to be with you, even when we simply be and nothing else.
There are so many words I can try to put down,
But it will simply never be enough.
But I think you know what I’m trying to say.
A lot of the time, as writers, we work on pieces for long periods of time. Novels, short stories, even poems can take years and years to come to completion. Sometimes, we tend to get stuck in the middle and think there is no way out, especially since middles are characteristically the hardest to write since they have to connect the beginning and the end.
Usually, when I start writing a piece, I have a vague idea of where I want it to start and a vague idea of how I want it to end, but the middle is the unknown territory where I mostly let my characters surprise me. This works sometimes, but a lot of the time I get distracted and stuck and have trouble continuing with that piece.
That brings me to Writer Life Lesson #26: Start Something New.
Working on one piece at a time works for some people, but I find that I get tunnel vision and I get bored and feel like I’m a failure at life because I’m not having these big 5K writing days or I’m not making story progress like I want. Recently, I got a bit of inspiration and started a few new pieces because I just couldn’t wait.
The results were astounding.
To start something new and feel that new spark of a new piece was amazing. It helped me to give the current novel I’m working on a bit of space and let me relax in my wishes for that novel. When I returned to it recently, I was able to get a lot of writing done and get through a good bit of the plot and find a bit of a direction again.
I’m still in the middle and trying to work my way to the end, but if I get stuck, I know I can go work on something else for a while, fiddle around with a new set of characters and a plot and make the words come without pressure again.
If you’re stuck on your current piece and it’s driving you crazy, try starting something new, even if it’s just a short poem or an idea. It will help get those ideas flowing again and reduce the need for perfection in your first draft.
Sometimes,
I turn into a monster.
I catch a glimpse,
And I don’t recognize myself,
With those fangs,
Those glowing eyes,
Or the talons that curl forth into the darkness.
But being a monster has its uses.
The fangs to bite back any remarks that could hurt too much.
The glowing eyes to see through the darkness of others.
The talons to protect myself from the blows that come first.
Forced to be the monster,
To put up defenses,
That I shouldn’t have to put up.
You’ve made me the monster,
But the only person I scare,
Is myself.
If I were to be human around you,
Then maybe you would be scared.
I walk the path in sunlight,
Nature singing it’s sweet song all around me,
Cradling me in her arms,
As all else melts away.
Here,
There is no frustration,
No let down,
Or sadness.
Here,
There is me,
My feet on the path.
Nature,
Singing me to peace.
I’m taking them back.
All the times I cried for you,
All the times you made me cry.
I’m taking it all back.
The joy, the pain, the fury.
You thought my anger was the worst
You could face?
Welcome to my apathy.
Creativity,
The elusive creature,
The one that comes in the dark of night,
And the bright mornings,
When I have other things to do.
Eventually,
I will set a trap and catch you.
Eventually,
I will pick up a pen,
And start writing.
Sometimes,
I set goals,
And something slips,
And I forget.
Sometimes,
Daily becomes weekly,
Or monthly,
Or never.
Sometimes,
I prove myself wrong,
And work though the failure.
Most days, I feel like I’m floating away.
Like I’m dissolving into nothing.
Like the air is being sucked from my lungs.
Like everything is pulling me apart,
Piece by piece.
Like everything I’m working on,
Working toward,
is just floating away.
Everything is floating further away,
The longer I reach for it.
All I’m looking for,
Is solid ground.
